The Rumor Queen has a fantastic post up about how people who are adopting need to be realistic about the effects of institutionalization on their new baby.

As I've said before, if you're waiting to adopt, you have had time to hope and dream and fixate on the new baby.  The new baby, however, doesn't know you from Adam.  RQ's post gives some good advice/suggestions/etc.

I highly recommend that anyone who is thinking of adopting from an orphanage read her post, read the comments from people who have BTDT, and take it all to heart.

That said, I have to grump.  There were a few comments about being "disappointed" by bloggers and new parents on lists who are posting that they "wish life would get back to normal", or that they didn't realize how much work it was.

Well, even those of us who research the hell out of stuff, who "know", in an intellectual way, that our lives are going to change, just aren't prepared for the reality.  It's easy to imagine being sleep deprived.  It's easy to imagine being tired and frustrated and feeling helpless because the baby/toddler is crying and you can't do anything to stop it.  It's easy to imagine being bored out of your gourd by staying at home with a child.

It's another thing to hit the reality.  I know that people who are trying to become parents, or who are in the midst of a family pregnancy, or who are waiting for an adoption referral just hate to hear this, but...there's just no way to be prepared for how much your life changes.  Just no way.  (Okay, there's one way to almost be prepared:  being roommates with new parents.  But even then, you can escape--it's not your responsibility.)

I've written about this before.  Read RQ's post, read mine, read some more.  Be aware that no matter how much you prepare beforehand, bringing a child into your lives is one of the most stressful things you will ever do in your life.

It does get better!  Honest!  But until you find your family equilibrium, it's a big shock to the system.

Technorati: Adoption, attachment