Deep in the bowels of a grim windowless building in the industrial area of Denver, lab workers scurry about at the behest of Herr Doktor Popcorn.

Their mission:  To develop The World's Most Irresistable Popcorn Smell, so that Herr Doktor Popcorn can conquer the world, one business site at a time.

Once everyone in the world is lured into popping his (variously disguised) bags of popcorn and thus become addicted, he will orchestrate a worldwide popcorn shortage...and lure certain specific people into his devious clutches by promising them glorious bags of freshly popped popcorn.

Bwahahaha!

Of course, there's a gorgeous female journalist out there who is going to find clues, and she will meet a ruggedly handsome (yet secretly sensitive) secret agent who she thinks is part of the conspiracy; they will join forces and Warn The World of Herr Doktor Popcorn's horrible plan.  There will be car chases, jet airplane crashes, a few tidbits of discreet sex.  The secret agent will be disowned by his agency.  The journalist will be the laughing stock of her colleagues.  But, at the end, they will prevail and Save The World from the nefarious Herr Doktor Popcorn.

Really.  This is the Kozmik All's Honest Truth I am telling you.

It must be.

I am an addict.  It's a joke around my office.  I have to have my bag of Butter Lover's Act II popcorn.  Every day.  If I'm foolish enough to not have my bag, someone else in the office will jumpstart my addiction by popping a bag themselves.  The aroma sifts through the office, luring me into the break room, where I am brought down--once again--by my addiction.

I truly believe that there are hordes of food scientists employed by all the various popcorn companies whose sole job is to develop better, more aromatic, and stronger popcorn fumes, designed to entice people into reaching for a little flat package of microwaveable popcorn and march, zombielike, towards the nearest microwave to nuke that puppy.  These people must be paid very well, because they do very good work.

Technorati: Popcorn, world domination