A "good enough" mom muses about alpha moms, adoption, computers, the State Of The World, Internet quirkiness, and the Kosmik All
Contrary magic

Contrary magic is when you have a picnic planned and, just to be sure, you have a rain date.

Or, say you have the picnic planned, and don't have a rain date.  Then it is sure to rain cats and dogs (at least, this is what happens in the Midwest).

So, imagine there's a blogger.  This blogger goes on a long, lyrical description of how adoption issues are just a small part of life, and mostly it's just background that you have to think about now and then.

Of course, as soon as that blogger hits "publish" on that particular post, the Gods, in all their wisdom and snarky humor, start tossing out adoption issues.  Oh, nothing major, mind you.  Just something to keep that blogger, filled with hubris, on her toes.

The OmegaFamily has a routine on weekday mornings.  OmegaDad, who has to be at work at 7:30 and has a boss who gives him the hairy eyeball if he's five minutes late, wakes up, dashes into the bathroom, and Does His Stuff.  Ever a man who goes against the flow, he doesn't follow the typical pattern for male showering.  In other words, he stays in there a long time.

Then he dashes out, cajoles a hug and kiss from the dotter, gets a hug and kiss from me, and dashes out the front door.

This leaves me doing most of the morning stuff with the dotter.

Our routine has developed into mommy selects dotter's clothes for the day.  Mommy puts them in a pile.  Mommy places the pile on the dining table in the living room.  Mommy informs dotter that the clothes are there.  Mommy goes to get her own clothes.  Mommy goes into the bathroom.  Mommy plops her clothes on the toilet seat, brushes her teeth, declothes, and gets into the shower.

At this point, dotter barrels into the bathroom with her clothes heap, announces, "May I go potty, Mommy?!", mommy coaches dotter (for the umpteenth time) to remove her (mommy's) clothes from the toilet seat, and for Gawd's sake, just pee.  This is a daily routine.  Honestly.  By now, you'd think she'd realize (especially since I tell her) that she doesn't need to ask my permission, and that, to pee, she just has to move my clothes.  I've stopped asking why she won't use Daddy's bathroom (maybe because I wouldn't use Daddy's bathroom, either...).

This morning, while mommy was dousing her hair with shampoo and dotter was on the pot, dotter asks, "Was I in your tummy, Mommy?"

Blink.  Talk about deja vu.  Wasn't I just mentioning this in one of my blog posts?  Like, say, yesterday?

"No, sweetie, you grew in your Chinese mommy's tummy."  (I wasn't in the mood to go into the long explanation about uteri again.)

"Oh.  What's her name?"

"I don't know, sweetie."

"Is she nice?"

"I don't know, sweetie.  I think so."

"Can we go see her?"

"Someday, baby, we'll go back to China.  I don't think you can see her, because we don't know where she is."

"Was I a nice baby, Mommy?"

At which point, I open the shower door, poke my head out, smile at her, and say, "You were an awesome baby, sweetie!"

She grinned at me.

It all went by fast.  No audible angst, just conversation.  But I thought it was a very interesting connection--talk about birthmother, then question about what kind of baby she was.  Sort of a little subtext going on there.

Okay, Gods, I give.  Stop whapping me over the head.  I get the point.  Sheesh.

Technorati: (again)

posted by Kate @ 3/09/2007 07:20:00 PM  
  • At 3/09/2007 11:19:00 PM, Blogger Lizard said…

    we have been having the same sort of discussion of late. Bedtime usually, for us. We talk about being a baby, what she was like as a baby, she likes to tell *us* what she was like (repeating the stories we have told her)... then she'll tell me about babies in tummies.... and about being in my tummy. I give a gentle correction, and then we talk about the Chinese lady's tummy. Sometimes she argues for a while (not shocking-- she also likes to argue about losing teeth, as in "other people lose their teeth, but I will not" no matter what the dentist and Mommy say to the contrary) sometimes she just moves on to something more interesting ot her, something about what she was like as a baby again.

    It never fails to stop my heart for a second, as I race to think of the right thing to say, to not cause damage or trouble. Never fails.

  • At 3/10/2007 12:07:00 PM, Blogger SBird said…

    Gotta love when the universe catches up to you...seems to never fail! Egads.

    But a rain date??!! Pshaw.

  • At 3/10/2007 07:32:00 PM, Blogger Space Mom said…

    More proof for the existence of the Karma that ran over the Dogma, a Kosmic sense of Humor!

  • At 3/11/2007 10:15:00 PM, Blogger Miss Cellania said…

    She's at "that age" (yours too, Lizard). You'll be answering questions over and over and over for the next three or four years. After that, she'll "have it" (its a series of "getting it"). Then you'll just have normal, almost-adult discussions of adoption and racial issues. If she's anything like my kids, which seems typical of this situation.

  • At 3/12/2007 05:42:00 PM, Blogger The Animation Empire said…

    That's great! Last week I took my toddler daughter out on our first adventure in the woods. I let her down on the different terrain so that she could experience it. You've got to take advantage of any clear weather that you get!

    Check out our Daddy Magic list of blog posts about playing with toddlers: http://daddymagic.blogspot.com/search/label/5.%20Toddlers%20-%20Playing

  • At 3/12/2007 08:41:00 PM, Blogger Kate said…

    Lizard--I think the thing is to just be open and ready to listen and talk. Some of what the adult adoptees have said has sunk in for me; the "brown skin" conversation the previous day, I remembered that one of the thing that AAs have said is that they felt dismissed when their parents ignored it or brushed it off...So I did my best to be sure I asked her how it made her feel, and sympathized. The bmom conversation is, as you say, an ongoing thing.

    SBird--Yes, a rain date...born and bred in the Midwest, I can't get "rain dates" out of my head!

    SpaceMom--Har, yes, a sense of humor the universe definitely has!

    Miss C.--The more it happens, the easier it gets. And that's what I'm hoping for: honest, open discussions about all those sorts of things.

    AE--It's great fun taking her out in the woods & rivers!

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About Me
Name: OmegaMom
Home: Southwest
About Me: Middle-aged mom of a 4-year-old adopted from China. Love science, debate, good SF and fantasy, hiking, music of almost every style. Lousy housekeeper. "Good enough" mom.
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