A "good enough" mom muses about alpha moms, adoption, computers, the State Of The World, Internet quirkiness, and the Kosmik All
The out-of-synch mom

Lately, OmegaMom has been on the dotter's general shit list.

There are two reasons for this:  number one, mommy just isn't fun, the way daddy is.  Mommy takes OmegaDotter for a walk, or out to the playground, and sort of expects the dotter to...well...walk, or play (but not necessarily with mommy).  And then mommy is considered Mean Mommy in general. 

For example:  mommy, when confronted with the dotter crashing someone else's birthday party at the park, and the crashees (very nicely!) offering some cake (whenever they were going to have the cake) before mommy could intercept the offer, shortly before mommy was planning to take the dotter home from the park anyway...well, mommy pretty much said, "Sorry, kiddo, it's time to go home."

This didn't go over very well.

Then, there's the fact that the dotter is suddenly not taking her naps.

So dotter is grumpy, and mommy gets grumpy in return, and dotter gets frowny-faced and whiny, and mommy gets eye-rolling going, and the whole thing turns into a horrible feedback loop where dotter pouts (out loud) that she wants daddy and mommy pouts (silently) that nothing she does makes the dotter happy.

So, moms out there.  Reassure me.  Tell me that you, too, have periods (of multiple days in a row) where you and the child just don't seem to be in synch, and no-one's happy and no-one's having any fun.


posted by Kate @ 3/18/2007 07:34:00 PM  
  • At 3/18/2007 09:32:00 PM, Blogger Dirk said…

    Sorry - wrong gender. But as a dad I can reassure you, too, I hope...

    Our twins go through this all the time. Mommy can do no wrong and Daddy is sort of, well, annoying and asking them to do stuff. And then a few days later, it's Mommy on the s-list and Daddy is the one everyone wants to hug and love.

    So what you describe sounds very normal to me.

  • At 3/19/2007 02:36:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm sorry you'll have to hand that crown over to me - I'm the real "Meanest Mother In The World". My many crimes include: insistance on tooth brushing, helmet wearing, regular bedtimes, and a diet not completely devoid of nutrients. For this and other heinousness I wear my crown proudly.

  • At 3/19/2007 11:17:00 AM, Blogger Julie Pippert said…

    Umm well YEAH, of COURSE.

    Long periods these days, when we hit the 5 year old contestant for the Queen of Snottiness stage.

    I am Primary Parent, Daily, All Day Every Day Parent. So I am No Fun. I do all the "brush your teeth, pick up toys, do chores, be nice, answer is no" and so forth daily discipline. Hubby sweeps in like a white knight and is FUN! Wants them to LIKE HIM! Wants them to BE HAPPY! Says YES!

    Still they do go back and forth at times in preference but I'd say at least once a day one or the other thinks I am Mean Mean Mommy.

    I'd reassure you this is a short phase but we are four months into it and while it takes a day off here and there, and there are these shining moments such as today (put on own shoes with no asking, begging, threatening etc. and tied them by herself with no tantrums!!!) I'd say I really miss her first few years when it seemed like in sync was the rue and out was the exception.

    Now there is a lot of out of sync, for prolonged periods.

    I'm sure if I read the right book it would explain independence and growth and development at this age and I'd understand better.


    I'm too busy chasing them and being mean to read. ;)

  • At 3/19/2007 02:02:00 PM, Anonymous jen said…

    wow. I just wrote two posts about similar stuff. julie sent me over (i do what she tells me) and am so glad i did.

    i am shoulder to shoulder next to you, sister.

  • At 3/19/2007 07:25:00 PM, Blogger Space Mom said…

    Yes-sir-rooni Pos-i-tooni!

    There are days that Soleil and I don't click and that night we give hugs and we both agree to have better days the next day....

  • At 3/20/2007 09:33:00 PM, Blogger Kate said…

    Dirk--Sorry to have been so gender-centric! Yes, I know there are see-saw days--but this has been going on for (sigh) weeks...

    A-Nony--Hah. That's me. I make her (gasp!) take ONE BITE of EACH THING on her plate!! Gads.

    Julie--I think it's the length of it that bugs me. Ongoing. I really feel like there are times that we are diagonal to each other...and we just don't like each other during those times. Yuck.

    Jen--I'll just have to pop over and commiserate!

    SpaceMom--Ah. Now that's a good tactic. I think I'll adopt it, give it a try...

  • At 3/21/2007 10:50:00 AM, Blogger ¬©Jac said…

    Heck ya! I have learned to fake "nice" on those days because I was feeling too negative!

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About Me
Name: OmegaMom
Home: Southwest
About Me: Middle-aged mom of a 4-year-old adopted from China. Love science, debate, good SF and fantasy, hiking, music of almost every style. Lousy housekeeper. "Good enough" mom.
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