Sunday, March 05, 2006
Can and can't
(Shamelessly stolen from a board I'm on.) Things I can't do: The two-finger whistle--for the life of me, this one eludes me. I have managed to do it ONCE in my entire life (fairly recently), and it amazed and delighted me so much that I spent another hour trying to reproduce the sound. Nothin' doin'. Snap my fingers the "proper" way--I can snap my fingers using the thumb and the ring finger, on one hand, but I have never been able to do it using the thumb and middle finger or thumb and index finger. All I get is a "flub...flub...flub" sound, no crisp snap! Turn a cartwheel--While my cohorts in elementary school were turning cartwheels all over the place, I was left behind. Keep a house neat and orderly--I try. I really do. But what I need is a hired person whose sole job is to follow each and every member of my household around, picking things up and putting them in their Proper Place. I can keep myself in order. Add a husband and a dotter, and I'm hopeless. See the "magic pictures", the ones where you are supposed to focus in one spot in a hodgepodge of color, and suddenly a picture appears? I think it's a trick. I think those so-called "magic pictures" are really what they look like: unformed blobs of color. The people who claim to see the pictures are actually just saying it because they're afraid everyone else can see the pictures, and admitting they can't would make them a failure of some sort. Balance my checkbook--The less said about this one, the better. Complete a craft project--I have an endless supply of half-finished craft projects littering my past. Things I can do: Put my heels behind my neck. Cook an awesome spaghetti sauce from memory. Bake an endless variety of quickbreads. Type 120 words per minute. Walk on my knees in the lotus position. Read from a book in an interesting and entertaining manner, with different voices for each character and appropriate dramatic phrasing for the narrative. Cross-country ski. Read topographic maps. Write programs in a wide variety of programming languages. Fold a fitted sheet. Make origami cranes. Recite the "Jabberwocky" from memory.