Thursday, January 05, 2006
Life lessons from children's media
While cocooning with the OmegaDotter during her illness, OmegaMom has had numerous opportunities to reflect upon the more obvious lessons contained within children's movies. Take Mary Poppins. We thought it was high time that OmegaDotter got a gander at this grand old children's musical. It has been watched and re-watched numerous times this past weekend. The main lessons from Mary Poppins:
- Women who want to vote are ditzes. Mrs. Banks, though charming in her passion for women's suffrage, can only be characterized as a true ditz.
- The only way to happiness is to be a member of the Working Proletariat. The best way is to be a chimney sweep. Do not be a banker. Chimney sweeps get gorgeous views, dance the night through on the rooftops, make friends with beautiful, magic women, and have the wisdom of life at their fingertips. Bankers, on the other hand, are crabby, ignore their children, and just plain don't have any fun. Until they lose their jobs.
- You can gallop from Monument Valley to the Grand Tetons in only a few hours. Furthermore, you can gallop from Monument Valley to the Grand Canyon in mere minutes.
- Wild horses are a Thing of Beauty. Do not tell Mr. OmegaMom this. He can wax passionate about the environmental damage wild horses and wild burros have done to various areas of the Southwest.
- Horses are incredibly smart. Once again, do not tell Mr. OmegaMom this. His belief is that horses are mean, dumb creatures. (I must say that Mr. OmegaMom, being a kindly soul who is wrapped around OmegaDotter's little finger, hasn't uttered a peep about these beliefs in her hearing.)
- Female horses are flirtatious, sexy blond bombshells, with eyelashes to die for, and hairstylists who turn their manes into locks that any grown human woman would envy.
- Native Americans are noble, care for the environment, and instinctively attuned to horses. Amurrican men exploring the West are evil, destructive to the environment, and just plain can't stand uppity horses.
- When you get divorced, if you have twins, you should separate them and not let them know about each other. This particular piece of egregious BS makes me steam.
- Parents are dumb. Kids are smart. Long-term home employees are smart.
- It is Good to be such a mischeivous hellion that most parents would run screaming from you. It shows you Have Spunk.
- All it takes to save a bad relationship are two conniving little pre-teen twits manuevering you into various situations that make you reminisce about your original meeting.