A "good enough" mom muses about alpha moms, adoption, computers, the State Of The World, Internet quirkiness, and the Kosmik All
The best one
Jeanne Marie Laskas, a columnist for the Washington Post, adopted from China twice. She recently wrote a column about a friend being worried about bonding when they brought their baby home. I love JML, and followed her columns as she went to China to adopt #1 and then #2. (In fact, I followed her columns before that, because she was temporarily on an infertility list I was on, too!) It's a great article--but there's one thing I have to say: If you meet your child and *don't* feel that immediate bond, IT'S OKAY. You're not weird. You're not strange. You're not a cold, unfeeling person. IT'S OKAY TO NOT BOND IMMEDIATELY. And, yes, I'm shouting. Because I don't want people who are soon to meet their babies thinking, if they don't bond right away, that there is "something wrong" with them, with the baby, with the adoption. Because there are lots of us who *didn't* feel that immediate bond. Oh, I felt "in love" right away, but I also felt, in a way, detached. It took at least six months for me to feel "love". It took me a year to really, truly feel "bonded" to my daughter. At this point, I can look at her when she's just being herself, doing something goofy, and my heart aches with love for her. The kind of oh-my-god-she's-so-wonderful-beautiful-smart-funny love that kicks you in the chest and takes your breath away. (Of course, since she's 3 [almost 4], I can also feel the utter exasperation and irritation that only a 3-year-old can bring you!) But I didn't feel that kind of love at first. It took time to grow. And, of course, I feel that we got "the best one"! ;-) Categories: [Our Adoption] [Adoption Issues]
posted by Kate @ 11/20/2005 11:27:00 AM  
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About Me
Name: OmegaMom
Home: Southwest
About Me: Middle-aged mom of a 4-year-old adopted from China. Love science, debate, good SF and fantasy, hiking, music of almost every style. Lousy housekeeper. "Good enough" mom.
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