A "good enough" mom muses about alpha moms, adoption, computers, the State Of The World, Internet quirkiness, and the Kosmik All
"Terrible mistake"
"While we love Baby Jessica as our own, we are reminded of this terrible mistake each and every time we look at her."

A couple is suing a fertility clinic for using the wrong sperm in their successful IVF treatment.

The "terrible mistake" is obvious because the child is...well..."darker" than her parents.

I can understand being upset at getting the "wrong sperm".  Usually, when you're deep in the throes of IF treatment, you're stuck on that unique-and-beautiful-mix of you and your spouse.

But...dayum..."terrible mistake"?

They look at their daughter and think "terrible mistake"?

Or, more likely, they let their lawyer put those words down on paper to make it a better case, rather than actually thinking it each time they look at her.  I hope.

Let's hope they win enough money to pay for Jessica's therapy when she's an angst-filled teen who knows that everyone in the world knows that her parents thought she was the result of a "terrible mistake".

Maybe fertility clinics should just start putting a "you git what you git and you don't throw a fit" clause into their service contracts...


posted by Kate @ 3/22/2007 10:30:00 AM  
  • At 3/22/2007 11:50:00 AM, Blogger Dirk said…

    I can understand being surprised. Maybe even disappointed. But a 'terrible mistake'?

    If I look at my daughters there's no doubt that my sperm wasn't involved. They are gorgeous and wonderful and, well, of Chinese descent. That's not a mistake (and anyone who'd say something like that within earshot would regret that). That's a wonderful blessing. We are incredible fortunate to have them.

    And I think parents who were successful with fertility treatment and had a child should view this as (God | karma | fate) helping them out...

    Let's hope for them that (God | karma | fate) has no hard feelings about their reaction.

  • At 3/22/2007 12:31:00 PM, Blogger Space Mom said…

    When we went through the fun of IUI, I had to check the vials of sperm myself to make SURE they matched the bar code that Jay had signed when he dropped them off.

    I could imagine the shock of the couple, but I am more upset that they are worried about how they treat this.

    That child should be celebrated as life! Sigh...

  • At 3/22/2007 01:50:00 PM, Anonymous SBird said…

    "While we love Baby Jessica as our own, we are reminded of this terrible mistake each and every time we look at her."

    Clearly a contradiction, no? How can you love her "as your own" and also consider her a terrible mistake? This center just will not hold.

  • At 3/22/2007 07:06:00 PM, Blogger Amanda said…

    Wow... A terrible mistake? That's pretty cold.

    I really hope their child doesn't grow up and read about herself being referred to as a terrible mistake

  • At 3/23/2007 09:15:00 AM, Anonymous atomic mama said…

    Words that never should have been uttered. I feel dirty having read them.

  • At 3/23/2007 12:38:00 PM, Anonymous tshapedgirl said…

    I think you nailed it when you described folks in the midst of infertility treatment as being caught up in the romatic idea of a bio-baby sharing bits of you and your partner. And I get that. I do understand, and I can relate to feeling that way.

    But geesh- they have a beautiful, healthy daughter. I'd think that you'd be able to get past that once you are raising their child.

    What awful words to say.

  • At 3/23/2007 03:01:00 PM, Blogger Julie Pippert said…

    I think it is the lawyer, setting up the anguish portion. I can't believe they really think it every time...I hope. How tragic.

    This reminds me of the woman suing the abortion clinic after she ended up delivering a live baby, to her shock, a number of months later.

    You know...I try to think---humanly, not ideally as I'd want to be---about how I'd feel under these conditions.

    I know how all that IF life feels. You go through so much mentally and emotionally, not even to mention physically. You are already wondering what you ever did to deserve this.

    So reflecting...I think at least---in ALL honesty---some portion of me would be devastated in some way.

    And then...this...

    I have learned not to ask people to be grateful.

    But I agree with most commenters here: I hope they really can get past it and love their very real daughter.

  • At 3/24/2007 12:10:00 PM, Blogger Kate said…

    Everyone--I don't mean to say that these folks shouldn't be upset, shocked, ready to sue--there is, definitely, malpractice evident, and hte clinic should tighten up its procedures at the very least. I think my problem most was the very harsh language used in the suit. I've read of similar cases, but never read any comments about the child itself; I found the little bit about "going out in public" being a constant reminder to be way over the top.

    It's probably stuff the lawyer dug out of them to put into the lawsuit, but it just hurt me to read it--especially when I saw the picture, saw how cute and happy she was. I don't look at the dotter and think "infertility" in any way, shape, or form; mostly I think "you little stinker!" or "awwww" or "how on earth did you come up with that idea?!?!"

    I can't imagine looking at her and thinking "horrible years of infertility" over and over again, y'know? She's just who she is, someone we love and cherish. I would hope that the reality is that Jessica is thought of this way by her parents. And news reports, of course, want to shock and awe, stir emotions, take sides (journalistic neutrality be damned), so we don't really know what the reality of life is in this family.

    It's just...that was a whole slew of unfortunate quotes, at the very least.

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Name: OmegaMom
Home: Southwest
About Me: Middle-aged mom of a 4-year-old adopted from China. Love science, debate, good SF and fantasy, hiking, music of almost every style. Lousy housekeeper. "Good enough" mom.
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